Fuck Me
12 Dec 2010 5 Comments
Oh, that’s right, he already did. Fuck, fuck, fuck. So I went over to a ‘friend’s’ house for dinner. I always knew, in the back of my mind, that he was a potential FWB as he’s always liked me, but as we have absolutely nothing in common, I never opted to take him up on his unspoken offer.
Apparently all it takes is a home cooked meal (no one cooks for me – boo) and a couple of bottles of really good wine. Who knew I was such a fucking cheap whore?
So let me give you the whole retarded set up. He invites me over – duh, i go – knowing full well what could/might/probably would happen. He’s a really good guy. Nice and sweet, yet uses the charming word ‘fuck’ at least 3 times in every single sentence, is a huge pothead and a borderline alcoholic. Sounds appealing, right? So he makes dinner, we talk, his house is inordinately clean (that’s neither here nor there, but i was impressed), we eat, we drink (a lot), we watch the ever romantic flick Shrek 3 and hands start to wander.
Damn it! I’m better than this! What the hell was I thinking? Sure, great, my 3 year dry spell has now ended, but WTF?! So we play around a bit while watching the movie, I’m fairly drunk and we decide to screw the movie and head back and, uh, well ……. yeah. By the time we’re done, I’m totally sober and can’t believe I just did what I did. He immediately grabs his pipe, smokes some weed, turns on some prison documentary and starts playing the guitar. Really? I just gave it up for this? Fuck me …………. oh, that’s right, we’ve already been over this.
Wanna hear the best part? As I was leaving (he wanted me to stay but I was in no mood for 2nds 
and opted for the drive of shame home), I wished him luck with his date on Wednesday! He’s an internet dater too ….. I suck ……..
Annoying
05 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment
No clue why my comments default to this page as this isn’t my primary blog. Believe me, the other one is better! Come visit!
Scorecard
04 Dec 2010 5 Comments
Ray – guy I could care less about meeting – meeting on Friday …….. uh, yey?
Scott – blonde guy that could be a total psycho/liar that is moving here & i am supposed to meet for breakfast on the 16th
Guy Who’s Name I can’t Remember – another guy who’s supposedly moving here who i talked to on the phone, but haven’t spoke to all week …… supposed to call tomorrow ……… not sure if I care
Franke ~ frank? frankie? he says it’s pronounced either way ……who cares, really …… going out of town this week, wants to meet when he gets back ……..
Rob ~ total cutie that is way too young for me that i have been e mailing with ~ the only one that i would really like to meet and he has opted to not answer my last e mail 
Kendall ~ have gone out with him twice – really nice guy – very few sparks ……..
ugh ….. can I not just mail order a guy that i find attractive, that won’t bug the shit out of me, and that likes me? should it be this hard?
Well Shit……….
04 Dec 2010 7 Comments
I hate the whole e-mail getting to know you aspect of internet dating. Inevitably you either end up meeting or you don’t. I’d much rather just meet, face to face and get it over with (yes, a true romantic at heart, right?). The whole annoying e mail thing though, if he happens to fall off the face of the earth, you’re left wondering what you wrote/didn’t write that made him decide to not respond. Soooo annoying! I mean really, you all can attest to what a stellar writer I am, right?
If it wouldn’t scare the shit out of most guys, if they e mail me, I’d much rather answer back: let’s meet for a drink and see if we hit it off in person ……. guys don’t like that shit though ……. *sigh*
Oh, and why this ridiculous post? I have been e-mailing with a guy that I like and I wrote the last e mail …….. and he hasn’t responded. Shit!
(and how many times can i write ‘shit’ in one post ……….. apparently, quite few)
Damn You Rachel
28 Nov 2010 4 Comments
So I just saw the movie ‘Morning Glory’ and stupid, cute, petite, bubbly, annoying Rachel McAdams’ character bails on a psuedo-date with a total cutie ’cause she thinks he may not be interested and makes sure he knows she only showed up as a business thing. Okay, that part I get ~ do it all the time. Then, she up and goes to his office the next day to tell him that she did, in fact, like him and she just got nervous. Of course he’s all excited and kissing, sex, blossoming love affair ensues ……. Dammit Rachel! I never do that last part. But should I?
Is it worth risking total humiliation to let someone know that you’re interested at the risk of having them laugh in my face and make some horrific face? Let me put this scenario in ‘Me’ terms. Okay, so the cutie I met on vacation ….. hooked up with him the 1st 2 nights but he always stopped short of ending my dry spell (dammit). Then said hookups stopped, yet he continued to hang out with me for hours on end, would still walk me down to my cabin, just wouldn’t come in (whine as I might – and yup, I do mean whine - charming, right?). Anyway, being the drunk nimrod that I was the last night I probably blathered on about seeing him again ~ actually though, I don’t think I did ~ I think I just wanted him to come back to my cabin with me (a wanna be slut to the core). He didn’t, of course, but gave me some nice kisses, said we’ll keep in touch, he’ll let me know when he’s in town, blah blah blah.
So I get home, finally sober up and am fairly mortified by my behavior and confused by his. What do I do? I immediately shoot off some lame assed e mail apologizing for being such a tool and ‘hoping I didn’t do anything to jeopardize our friendship’. WTF?!?! Here’s what I wanted to write ~ ‘the hookups were never my intention, but I certainly enjoyed them. i don’t understand why you decided to stop them, yet still hang out with me though. were you not attracted to me? did you just feel bad ’cause i was so drunk every night? was it a mistake? THOSE are the questions that I still have in my head. Maybe he was just shy, maybe he actually has a conscience, who knows?
I’ve now thrown out into the universe that I never intended for the hookups to happen to begin with, and that I pretty much just want to be friends. Uh, hello dumbass (me, not him) that’s NOT what I want. I want to see how things might go when both on dry land and sober. Why couldn’t I just say that?
He responded to my chock-full-of-lies-to-myself e-mail with a ‘we’re all good’, a ‘i don’t remember a drunk nimrod, just a great gal having fun’, ‘it was a pleasure meeting you’ (ouch), a ’thank you for including me in the fun’ and a ‘keep in touch’. Super! What the hell did I have to lose by just laying it on the line? He lives in a different state for god’s sake! What’s the worse that could happen, he could say he wasn’t interested? No biggie. Now I’ll just never know.
I do want to see him again, but have absolutely no clue how I’ll ever make that happen. Ugh, I’m such an ass! No wonder I’m still single ……….
Cock Blocked!
28 Nov 2010 3 Comments
Such an odd story this is. I’ll try to keep it short and not so sweet instead of my usual mode of rambling on incessantly, but no promises.
So a friend of a friend decides he has the hots for me and wants to meet me. Now, girlfriend says she’s fine with me going out with him. I ask her about a million times and she guarantees me that she’s fine with it. You see, they used to go out ~ about a lifetime ago and she now lives with someone, so I sort of believed her.
So I fly out to meet him (he lives across the country) and I needed a vacay anyways. He picks me up from the airport and the 1st thing he tells me is that ‘friend’ has told him that he’s not allowed to touch me around her. Nice, right? Anyway, as we were ‘friend’ free that night, we went out and had a great time. Yey! I can finally end my dry spell, right? Well I don’t want to be totally easy, so slept in my own bed that night.
Next day ‘friend’ comes to hang out with us. ‘Guy’ won’t come within a mile of me and ‘friend’ proceeds to flirt her ass off with him. Er, whatever. Anyway, she opts to stay over that night. Really? It certainly wasn’t to hang out with me as the 2 of them were huddled together most of the day talking about god knows what. Anyway, I head to bed (alone, boo) and they stay up watching tv in the living room. Of course, a few hours later, I walk out to find what do you think? Yup, slutty McFriend and douche bag McGuy mashing on the couch.
Uh, okay, here’s the thing. I’d be totally okay with that. I’d be totally okay with her telling me not to fly out there, not to see him, that she didn’t want me to visit, that she didn’t feel comfortable with the situation. Instead she has me fly all the way out there as an excuse for HER to see HIM behind her boyfriend’s back!
Holy shit! Can you believe it? Needless to say I am currently one friend short!
Update On My Summer Vacation
24 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
Okay peeps, so I told you all about my amazing drunk-fest a few weeks back and what a great time I had. I told you about the great guy that I met, that I originally didn’t ‘pick up’ as a hook-up, but just thought he seemed nice. I told you that we actually did ‘hook-up’ (so romantic, right?) a couple of nights and then just went back to hanging out the remainder of the evenings. I believe I also told you how I threw myself at this poor sweet guy the last 2 nights as I couldn’t believe that he would just cut me off like that?! And by cut me off, I really don’t mean anything all that dirty, but you all know what a big fan of kissing I am and why on earth would a guy turn down a pretty sure thing? Could I possibly be that hideous?
Anyway, as tends to happen, I ended up really liking this guy. He’s just got an amazing heart is a good, good guy. Did I tell him this? Hell No! I figured since he stopped wanting to hook up, he decided to come to his senses and had just decided he wasn’t attracted to me or whatever. I could have asked him why things went the way I did, but I didn’t.
Anyway, I get home and realize that at the very least, I’d like to keep him in my life as a friend if nothing else. Not entirely crazy, right? Hmmm, now how do I go about doing this? I decide to send him an e mail apologizing for throwing myself at him, blaming it ALL on being drunk, and acting like I never a) intended for anything to happen b) was embarrassed that it did happen and c) that I hope I didn’t do anything to jeopardize our ‘friendship’.
Now here’s my question? Is it totally unfathomable that this guy just actually had a conscience and didn’t want to fuck around with me knowing that I was leaving in 3 days? Eh, probably a stretch considering the 1st 2 nights, but why the hell would he still hang out with me then? I mean his sweet good bye our last night really was, but was it an act? Was it bullshit? Was it sincere? I don’t know.
So anyway, I send this overly verbose e mail and he responds:
Hey ***** -
we’re all good. =)
Sorry so M.I.A. Finally to *********** with FREE internet. I’ll never take for granted free internet again.
Thank you for all your kind words – It was a pleasure meeting you too…I had fun…never remember a drunk nimrod – just a great girl who was having a great time…so glad you included me.
Stay in touch and have a wonderful Holiday Season,
Ya’ know what I did when I got this? I fucking cried! Why? I’m not sure? Is it because I thought we had some sort of future? Hell no! Is it because I didn’t really get to even know him? Who knows? Is it because I think I fucked up yet again with someone who could potentially be a good match for me? Not sure? Mainly I think it was because it’s been a really shit year for me, I met a really nice, cute, funny, good hearted guy who showed interest in me. Could I actually be that fucking needy these days?
Another Truth About Me
23 Nov 2010 3 Comments
Sorry to have been MIA for a bit ~ I have another blog (the last one on my blogroll) that I’ve been busily typing away for. Why on earth do I have 2 blogs? Well, the other one is mainly based on my craptastic internet dating experiences (aka horror stories) and a lot of my friends know about that one. This one, however, is pretty much only known to my ‘internet blog surfing friends’.
What’s the difference you ask? Well although they each get random postings about assorted bullshit. I am a bit more honest with/about myself in this one. Not that I am anything but honest about everything posted in my ‘main’ blog, but I have been known to leave a detail (or two) out. I also don’t post things that are totally embarassing and make me look like an even bigger loser than I already am.
So, my friends, although you get a really really good insight into who I am in my other blog, I get a better insight into who I am in this one. Does that make any sense?
Oh, and this big truth about me that I promised you in the title? That most everything I outwardly show people is a bunch of shit. I have never and probably will never actually say what I feel at any given time as I’m afraid that I’ll look like an idiot. Which, funnily enough, makes me look like a HUGE idiot! Nice, right?
Awww Crap
17 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
Looks like another day of feeling sorry for myself? Really? How can I be one way on vacation and a completely other way in ‘real’ life? Although I only got back 3 days ago, it already seems like a lifetime ago. It’s as if someone sat around collecting every sort of shit they could find and piled it up for me to step in when I got home!
Okay, here’s the deal peeps ~ enough is enough ~ I WILL figure out how to remove my head from my ass and get my life in some sort of order. I will STOP putting any of my self-worth into the hands of guys. I WILL realize that I don’t need to make things so complicated. I will learn how to take things in stride. I will not worry about things that are out of my control. I will do whatever I need to in order to make myself happy.
Ah hell, what I really need to do ~ which I have been trying to accomplish ALL YEAR to no avail ~ is to get laid!!! :-X
Time’s Up
16 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: catering, party
Why is it that people will plan an entire party, send out invitations, decorate, order rentals, stock the bar and then, THEN it occurs to them that they have nothing to feed their guests, so they call last minute in a panic and expect me to save the world ……. and their party?
Because that’s what I do
